My new life was shiny and exciting for a few minutes — okay weeks — before reality crashed in. I left my hometown where I had family and friends who filled the gaps left by my being a single parent. I had systems in place there, people who I trusted to be my backup.
Because I moved to a place where I knew no-one except my intended, I tried to set expectations by explaining and often over-explaining, how difficult things would be for a while until we had set up a support system. I talked about the impact of children on one’s career and one’s love life. I spoke about the daily non-negotiable pickups before the daycare closed, and the fact that spontaneity — like going out to dinner or travel on a whim — now needed to be scheduled in advance.
I talked about the change to his life and our lives, so much, that he kindly asked me to drop it. I took him at his word.
The first sign of a crack in our seemingly happy new life came when my beloved told me in very abrupt terms that he didn’t realize me working in DC and us living in Baltimore, where he worked, meant he would have to pick up the kids from daycare every single day.
Later, he let me know that while we were both technology professionals, my job as a web developer wasn’t nearly as taxing as his job as a digital marketing manager, and therefore I should be doing more to relieve him of the burden of drop off and pick up.
Later still, while my visiting mom slept in the other room, the love of my life told me that he was disappointed in me and that he thought things would be different. He said I was more than just a mother and should really start acting like it.
All I could think was, “This motherf*cker! Didn’t I tell him?” The f*ckery.
It was downhill from there. We moved from Baltimore to Montgomery County. We had access to better schools and my commute was less taxing, which meant I could drop off and pick up the kids from daycare. The only downside was that his commute to Baltimore would be hellacious, but at least he no longer had to worry about shuttling kids back and forth.